I wish someone had taught you sooner that fearful and fearless could mean each other and maybe then,
maybe then you wouldn’t have left the way you did.
But every step you took had triggered fault lines, and I couldn’t
move without falling through another crevice. If only all the wasted time could climb out like I could.
You were a well combined disaster recipe. You slipped through me like summer breeze but punctured me like world war bullets.
Scarred me so much even I
couldn’t identify myself. You did so good
when you burnt me slow. But I think I loved your warmth too much to discern that you were no fireplace. You, a forest fire, untrue, until
Until I stepped foot past our boundary and looked back to find
a small candle to its place. And there you were, there you were
a single flame against the charred earth and I thought, then wished,
maybe even hoped,
that someone might tell you how much a waste of time it is to measure any flame,
they all(ways) burn the same.

If you're going through hell, maybe
you should stop looking
at your reflection.
If you're going through hell, maybe
you should start looking
at your reflection.
And realize that magnifying glass
is no mirror. And no mirror
is magnifying glass.
If you're going through hell,
don't rush your way out.
Visit your demons, bring them
flowers when the world gets dry.
The song says if you're going
through hell, keep going. But
there is nothing wrong with staying.
With burning till you can't leave.
If you're going through hell,
remember that more than half of you
is water. The rest of you
is smoke. So, be.
There is nothing to worry about.
If you're going through hell,
there's a good chance you're still alive.
So spit at the devil and
take yourself out for a walk amongst the flames.
Bukowski said that what matters most
is how well you walk through the fire.
The bastard was right. So stride
your way out the blaze and hope
that you are nothing more
and nothing less
than ashes
when you come out.

Life grants you one true personal assistance and that is yourself

Okay, you get to call customer service sometimes, us fortunate ones like to label them as friends and family but when you call too late, all you'll get is a heedless machine

and sometimes when you get the actual flesh and being

it still doesn't help

sometimes

only you can fix what's broken, sometimes, only you might be the only one aware of the genuine detriment and how to repair it

maybe you're just afraid

but don't be.

there is nothing to be afraid of when you have yourself.

life's good, life's good.

okay

1. For my father
who taught me that horizons
can be boundaries.

2. 2 a.m, sleeping paralysis.
Taking refuge under crackling night skies,
kindling fire underneath the failing stars,
shooting through the hula hooped moons
and bleaching the surface of Mars.
Empty trails of asteroids.
Cosmic state, reigning voids.
I don't want to dream again.


3. The downfall, the enemy,
the lover of the coughing sun.
When skies are spating, make shelter
of our melodies, then put me in a coffin, son.


4. For when we become Pluto.
Or when Pluto becomes us.
Traveling revolutions, undeclared, untouched.
Planted their flags where our monuments stood.
Achromatized the textbooks and called it good.
Struggle turned to vapor. They called it saving paper
so we recycled our dignities for their bullshit.
They wore our blood so proudly but forgot that
red is where the bulls hit.

5. Five is for the taking.
Then fold it into zero
when the privileged are bragging. Lacking
of some common sense, I flew him into Syria
and he stopped asking for some reasons since.
He tried to call it trauma, but
I've clenched my fists too many times to
know it's really karma.

I'm still not entirely sure how I'd so obliviously obtained the illusion that such hope could delay the hands of time from ticking down to midnight.

Don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it don't fucking think about it don't think about it

everything
is clouded, asphyxiating
reverberating madness
fuck
don't think about it

And then I read this thing that said "If you act like you have no feelings, you will get treated like you don't" and my god it fucking terrified me.